What's Wrong With Gamer's Volume 5: Replay Value

Oh my gaming gods! What the hell is wrong with the gaming world today? It's a disgusting, despicable, disgraceful place to live in now, as the true avatars of the gaming gods (retro, hardcore gamers) continue to become the minority to the filth known as casual, and procreational gamers.

This is an age that disgusts me, truly. I was browsing message boards, as per usual, and it seems like people have this weird notion now-a-days that games without challenge are fun, and worth replaying if they have extra costumes, but a hard game without any is not worth your time. That playing a game and beating it on its hardest mode isn't the best part of playing a game, but instead, getting a new costume, or having a new game + feature. Seriously?! What the hell?! Don't misunderstand me, I love new costume's just as much as the next person, but when the hell did this become a standard?! When did NG+ become a standard?! Gamer's are so pathetic that it's down right pitiful, and I feel ashamed to have to be bundled in with these idiots.

Take River City Ransom, perfect example. You play through the game, you level your stats by eating different foods, and you gain money by defeating bad guys. After beating the game, the next logical thing going through your mind is most likely,

"Wow, let me go do that again."

If that's not what you're thinking, then I'm sorry but you're an ingrate.

What your thought shouldn't be:

"Wow, I hope I can do that again in a different outfit with all my upgrades right from the start so the game is just a breeze and a complete waste of time because it does not stimulate me in any way, shape, or form."

Not that I hate NG+ either, I'm just sick and tired of these jack off's that shouldn't even be playing games expecting it to be in there (and in that sense, lowering the standards more and more in games), and on top of that, reviewers and critics have to bend to these meat bag's will simply because they are the gaming majority now, and being a real gamer means absolutely nothing, except that anything you like will most likely be given a poor write up because it's too old fashioned, or it doesn't have enough "replay value". Which by the way, back in the day meant it was a game you could play over and over because it's fun, now a days replay value means how long the game is (which doesn't even make sense because the replay part doesn't come in until after the game is finished), how many onion rings you can collect out of 1000 in a sandbox city, how many alternate costumes/characters there are, how many multiplayer modes there are, and if you can start again with all your abilities that you finished the game with (amongst many other stupid things I'm sure). I must have beaten Super Metroid over 500 times, and not once had the thought crossed my mind of an alternate Samus suit, or starting the game with all my equipment. You're going to tell me it has no replay value?

What the hell happened to beating your top score? Or tackling the next level of difficulty? Or beating your best time? Or, dare I even say it, play it again because it was so much damn fun?! Wouldn't want that, would we? I know, the thought is too scary to even comprehend in an abomination of a generation such as this one.

I'm pissed off. I miss when playing games was exclusive to nerd's and loser's. Games had a lot more integrity back then.

What's Wrong With Gamer's Volume 3: Multiplayer > Single Player

Ok I'm pissed off! What's with gamers these days and their obsession with a multiplayer component in every single game they purchase? It's so bad that some people don't even care about the single player experience at all and go right into multiplayer.

Let me set the scene... there I was, I just bought Modern Warfare for the XBox 360. I was very excited to get home, shoot stuff, and all that good stuff by myself. No, I don't enjoy the company of adolescent douchebag's that need their mother's permission to stay out past 11 pm or the fact that they never shut up and have no life. That's not for me. Little did I know that the campaign was only about five hours long. I beat it that day, and I was devastated. I tell my friend of mine that I bought it, and beat it, and no longer wanted to play it. He asked if he could borrow it. I lent it to him...

He goes on and on about how awesome it is. I'm like, "It sucks, I beat it in about five hours and there's no reason to play it again."

That's when he snaps on me and exclaims, "You gotta play that multiplayer, my dude!"

Seriously? Thats what I bought the game for? To play multiplayer? Forget that noise. I'm not about that crap. I should have known better though, I mean take Halo for example. Great single player experience, no multiplayer. Then take Halo 2... horrible single player experience, amazing multiplayer. Why is it that all developers just completely focus on multiplayer and take a horrid dump all over the single player part of the game? Why not do both well so everyone can enjoy it, including the people who hate everyone else.

Last time I checked gaming was for anti-social nerds that don't like people and want to stay in the confinement of their own home to play games until armageddon. Wait... what?! Videogames are popular now?! When did this happen... CURSES!

Well, at least there's shooter's like Vanquish that will fill the single player run and gun void in my life. Gaming gods, bless Vanquish.

What's With Gamer's Volume 2: Every Action Game Is Copying God of War

Ok I'm sick of this nonsense. Again, I'm browsing video game message boards, this time for Castlevania Lords of Shadow. I keep on hearing the same thing over and over again... that it's a God of War clone.

Are you people idiots? Don't answer that. Just because it's a game with combo's doesn't make it a God of War clone, it makes it an action game. When did all of a sudden every single action game that gets released become a God of War clone? Are people not allowed to make action games anymore? Is God of War the only action game that's allowed now? Is that it? Action games are not reserved for God of War, it's a genre you morons.

Not to mention these ingrates actually have the nerve to say that it's a rip-off because the main character uses a whip similar to Kratos' sword-chucks. Are you kidding me?! A whip has been the signature weapon of the Castlevania heroes since its release in the 80's and to say that Castlevania is ripping off of God of War is just plain offensive and makes me want to murder these teenage idiots who think they are real gamer's, but in reality their first system was a Playstation 2.

Also, lets put the facts into place, just because God of War was the first game to really make a great action game (not according to me, I'm going by statistics, that place is actually for Ninja Gaiden on the Xbox) doesn't mean it was the first action game ever made, especially a combo based one. Can anyone say Devil May Cry? Or perhaps even Castlevania Lament of Innocence? All these games came before GoW and yet no one says anything about that.

I'd also like to say that games have been similar to each other since the dawn of time. Take Space Invaders and Galaga for example, two very similar games, however both extremely enjoyable for what they are. Sure there are similarities, but there's enough things different about them to make them stand on their own, and Galaga took some liberties to add more depth to the game and such, like how the enemies whiz around the map, or the double ship attachment, etc. And that's how I bet Castlevania will be compared to God of War, as far as I'm concerned God of War is a shallow game with a few interesting moments, but an overall bland and boring storyline and decent gameplay. There's no doubt in my mind that a great series like Castlevania won't trump God of War in every single way, and then some.